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Remember that old Apple Special Edition iPod?

If you purchased a "Special Edition" red Apple iPod you can help save Africa. Yeah, part of your money goes to fighting AIDS in Africa. You can justify your purchase of the device knowing you are doing the world good. I'm certain Apple is using the money to do just that and they are trying to do good. Aids is an issue to be sure, but so is poverty, which I'm sure is a contributory factor to the crisis. I'd be more inclined to help people closer to home (If I were inclined to help anyone at all) maybe a poor, white Appalachian child, who's more apt to become a coal miner. Producing coal miners is more likely than the number of Dolly Parton's cranked out in this region. Unfortunately, the system needs more coal miners than Dolly's because of the Dollywood power requirements and the energy required to make false eyelashes and wigs. It's not fashionable to help a small white child because we seem to be the root of all the world's social and economic ills. Or so I've been told.

Anyone in sales (the devils minions) knows people don't buy on needs, but wants. Buying is based on emotions.

Corporations now use this on a far more personal level, the "social conscience and/or awareness" factor. You can feel good about being a consumer. "I'm changing the world for good by buying products and services." Bullshit! I think it's an insidious ploy. I missed the "Live Earth" concert and the millions of watts of electricity used to save millions of watts of electricity for a cleaner tomorrow. If they used solar power and horse drawn carriages I'd really feel good about the movement. I'm a carbon unit, save me.

I recently read United States citizens gives more money to organizations that most other countries in the world. I suppose it's the imagined "disposable income" we have. Most people buy consumer goods on credit. I can't think of or know of anyone that pays the balance at the end of the month. That 19%+ interest is doing good for the credit institutions for sure. I also believe the majority of donations actually go for managing the organization supplying the funds. Somebody at American Express needs a Jaguar! You're on it and you can change the world while he drives it.

The catch is you are buying a "red badge of courage." You could simply send the same amount of money Apple is donating per purchase, but nobody wants to see your receipt. If you show them your "Special Edition iPod," you can "make a statement." It sells the idea that you care more than most. The starry-eyed covetor can relish the idea they could keep up with you and get one too. Save the World my friend! Shit, you could buy the U2 iPod. 

We all know consumer goods tell people "who you are" and your your status! "I LOVE U2! I'm a unique individual that cares! My purchasing power and the level of debt I'm willing to incur tells the world who I am!" I'M FUCKING HIP BABY, I CARE AND I'M READY TO BREED! Gap jeans really top it off.

Actual text from the Apple site:

Sound affects.
You make choices every day, from the clothes you wear to the music you play. Now making a choice means making a difference. That’s because proceeds from every iPod shuffle, iPod nano, or iTunes Gift Card iPod RED sold go directly to the Global Fund to fight AIDS in Africa.

I guess it goes hand in hand with the "Music can change the world" idea. Popular music doesn't change the world, it's just a product.

A musical key:

Country: I suffer because my spouse cheated on me. Whoa is me.
Rock: I'm going to get that bitch back, drink and do drugs to excess and cheat on her.
Blues: My wife cheated on me, she's wrong, shit happens.
Soul: Love, party, dance. Nothing else matters, really.
Rap: Fuck the hoes, I'm great, I rhyme, kill the man. Tap and/or cap that ass.
Show Tunes: I'm gay... Oklahoma, where the wind comes sweepin' down the plain!
World Music: I'm a lonely foreigner desperately trying to maintain my culture.

Popular music only tells a fragmented story to a third person, as simple as possible. Verse, chorus, verse. Maybe a bridge and a time change. Change the world, right! If anything changes it's the key. Songs that attempt or do make political statements only remind me there's shit I can do about it.

About those ribbons. Is success determined by the number and colors of ribbons on your lapel? I honestly don't recall if the yellow ribbon or my breakfast cereal fights hate crimes. I need a ribbon color chart. Thursdays I wear the pink ribbon. Sometimes I mix them up to let people know I care about everything, but truthfully I can't do anything.

"It's about raising awareness man." My awareness is raised to such an unbelievable level I've almost lost self-awareness. I'm aware that somewhere a baby seal is being clubbed. I think it's called food. If a family member was being clubbed, I'd be more concerned, sorry.

When I was a not-so wee lad (teenager) having a car meant having a girlfriend. No car, no date. My car or lack of one denoted my breeding status. An automobile helps in being genetically successful. Unfortunately, I drove a beat up rusted Toyota pickup truck. I was more likely to be successful in trailer parks because I could take them to Wal-Mart (Buy American!). Woman of low or no social standing are more apt to "put out." You may breed future carney's and construction workers; results may vary. Actually, most women will "put out" if you display your income with flashy products. A commitment may also be required. Today, you can get those hip urban girls that wear black clothes and trendy square eyeglasses (hint: They look like those trendy guys who wear black clothes and square eyeglasses) by owning a Hybrid car. Having a tattoo helps, especially Chinese or Kanji characters that actually mean "ox" rather than "love." I have a 'Grateful Dead' tattoo; it says 'Grateful Dead.' I got it on sale in an non-sterile shop in Tongduchon Korea. Later, I discovered the Grateful Dead has awesome improvisational music, but no longer touring. Damn. I have all these blank cassette tapes now.

Who doesn't want to save the whales, feed the poor, fight for civil rights, etc? Hell, that's a lot of responsibility. If I save a whale will I inadvertently starve a child? Do I play god and decide who lives and dies by my purchasing power? Shit, I can't save everyone! I'm on a budget! Breast cancer or colons? I'd go for colons because most people only have one asshole. Why do I need to make these choices? I like boobs more than assholes but it's about priority (read that again, yea it's a tough choice). Can you catch cancer by anal sex? I don't want to find out. Would it be wrong to try and save myself before I attempt to save others?

If I had a million dollars I could litter my house with products that would relieve others of their ills, but I'd end up a shallow, self-absorbed materialist. Who helps shallow materialists? Who comes to the aid of uptight white urban housewives trapped in unloving marriages with husbands who are emotionally distant? Who helps the man who has everything, including a social climbing trophy wife that nags him constantly and resorts to hiring prostitutes just to talk to? In case you're wondering, it's lawyers. Who helps the Attorneys who challenge the system for fairness and social equity? That would be Mom and Dad who wished they'd get a partnership at a real law firm.

I hear "God helps those who helps themselves." Come on people and pull your weight! White people are paying the fucking worlds bills and gay people are adopting babies nobody wants. The list goes on. Jesse Jackson is helping blacks by twisting the arms of corporations to ensure they're seen as a affirmative action Negros rather than a human capable of doing the job. Mexicans are doing the jobs middle class teenagers wouldn't touch with a ten-foot pole. Everyone is doing everyone else's job but not there own. What gives?

"Dad, I want a red iPod to help the African AIDS epidemic." Dad wants the kids to get a job and buy it themselves. Dad is saving the world, but being a white Caucasian male is also destroying it.

I'd really like to do my part and save the world (from itself it seems). Here's a short list:

1. Genocide in Darfur
2. Bring democracy to Iraq
3. Global Warming
4. Little Maria in Ecuador
5. Buy a Toyota Prius for a clean Earth
6. Recycle...
7. Homeless people
8. Feral cats
9. Israeli victims of Palestinians bombers
10. Palestinians killed by IDF
11. Western Society
12. Civilization in general
13. From people who hate freedom (and democracy and liberty)
14. Whales
15. Dolphins in tuna nets
16. Cows in cramped stalls used for veal
17. Shaving kits for soldiers
18. Build homes for soldiers
19. Save the spotted owl
20. Drilling in Alaska
21. Don't drill in Alaska
22. Breast Cancer
23. Second hand smoke

If I give just one dollar for everything on the list I'm out 23 dollars and each dollar is never enough.

Anyone ever notice everything that's fucked up with the world is either the government or industry, but it's our responsibility to fix it? How does an industry that uses third world labor and pollute the environment going to "give back?"

Bono. We usually have Bono reminding us of this fact. He seems to see himself as the conscience of the world. That little voice that's not in your head, it's Bono.

Bono asks for silence during a concert and starts to slowly clap his hands and says, "Every time I clap my hands an African child dies." A Scotsman in the crowd yells, "Well stop clapping your hands you arse!"

I'm not buying it. The whole idea or the product.